I'm so grateful to report that I have had no complications so far. Early on, parts of the skin and nipples did scab and turn black, causing me a lot of anxiety that the tissue was dying. Fortunately, that has all healed and my skin has recovered fully, with only minor discoloration. I want to say thank you to everyone that has prayed for me, encouraged me, and been there for me. It has been such a remarkable and humbling experience to have so many people supporting me. I have often been overwhelmed by it and unsure of how to let all of you know just how much I appreciate you and love you. My words seem so inadequate at expressing just how much gratitude I feel to have all of you wonderful, kind people in my life. I can't say "thank you" enough.
At six weeks out, I no longer have any restrictions and am now getting back into an exercise routine, which has helped my mood and depression tremendously. Two days ago I had my third and final fill in my tissue expanders. It is such an odd thing to have a huge needle inserted into the center of your breast, and then watch it be pumped up like a water balloon! The fills leave me in pain for a couple days, so I'm very happy to be finished with the expansion process. I am now counting down the days to getting these dang tissue expanders replaced with implants. Right now I call them my 'mannequin boobs,' because that is exactly what they are like. They feel like hard plastic, and there is no movement to them whatsoever. They also look very odd, not like boobs at all. Luckily, I knew going into this that expanders aren't made to look pretty, they are made to create a pocket. Getting them replaced with soft implants should be a big improvement in comfort and appearance. The implants I am getting are specially designed for mastectomy patients. They are not round like traditional implants, but tear drop shaped to resemble that of a natural breast. There are some spots high up in my chest that look very sunken in. This is because breast tissue goes up a lot higher than maybe it appears to. The breast tissue that was removed from the upper parts of my chest is not covered by the expanders. I'm not sure if it will be covered after getting the implants. I may need to do fat grafting to fill those spots in.
For the most part, I am adjusting to the changes in my body. The numbness hasn't been as much of a nuisance as I had originally thought it would be, and I am getting used to it. On my right side, the numbness goes all the way under my arm. That is the part that is the most annoying, because my arm is always rubbing against it. But, like I said, I am getting used to it. Even with all of the struggles, all I feel now is relief and gratitude...relief that the surgery is behind me and gratitude that my risk of breast cancer has gone from almost 90% to about 5%. What a miracle and a gift in my life! There hasn't been a day in my recovery that I haven't thought about the women in my family that have lost their lives to breast cancer. I feel forever bonded and connected with these women. They will be in my heart, always.
Below is a photo of my beautiful Grandma Marie. She passed away from breast cancer when my mom was only 7 years old, so I never had the honor of knowing her in this life. I often think of her and the amount of suffering she endured in her short life. Her cancer eventually spread throughout her body and into her bones. At the end of her life, even something as simple as taking a bath was enough to break her fragile bones. I have been told that she was a happy, carefree soul who never complained
I have had a lot of people asking me about when my next surgery will be, so I wanted to fill everyone in on the 'game plan.' Originally, I was going to be having a salpingo-oopherectomy (removal of ovaries and fallopian tubes) in September. This has changed. After many more hours of research and discussing my options with the different specialists, I have decided to have a total hysterectomy. I will have my ovaries, fallopian tubes, uterus, and cervix all removed. This is a very personal decision, and not every woman with the BRCA mutation decides on this option. One of the main reasons I have decided on this option is that removing my uterus gives me more freedom with hormone replacement. Another major reason is that there is early research indicating that the BRCA mutation does put women at higher risk for uterine cancer and not just ovarian cancer.
The other part of the 'game plan' that has changed is the date of my next surgery. As you can imagine, after going through such a major surgery, I haven't been very excited about jumping right into a second surgery. After discussing it with my plastic surgeon and my gynecological oncologist, it has been decided that I will do the final breast surgery and total hysterectomy at the same time. This will obviously make for a more difficult recovery, but it will be one recovery instead of two. I was so happy to find out that I could do them at the same time! The expanders have to stay in place for 3 months after the final fill. Since I just had my final fill, we are looking at the end of November to schedule these surgeries. My surgeons are in the process of coordinating a date with one another, so I don't have an official scheduled date just yet. The good news is that I have three whole months to feel good and do normal activities! I'm ecstatic about that part of it.
So, that's where I'm at. Thank you all for being there for me throughout all of it. You are wonderful! I feel incredibly blessed to be on the other side of the mastectomy and doing as well as I am. I wanted to end this post with a quote from Angelina Jolie, who also carries the BRCA mutation and elected to have a preventative mastectomy:
"On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity."
Thank you Angelina... my thoughts exactly :-)
