What is an Eating Disorder?

I figured that one of my first posts should shed a little light on what eating disorders actually are. I am sure that most people reading my blog have at least some knowledge of eating disorders, and maybe know someone that has suffered from one. My hope is to help you understand what it truly is like to have an eating disorder, and to maybe clear up some common misconceptions. The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) recognizes 4 types of eating disorders. They are: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder, and Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). In the depths of my eating disorder, I suffered from both Anorexia and Bulimia, but identified more as a Bulimic. Early on in my recovery I also struggled with Binge Eating. Therefore, I have had first hand experience with 3 major forms of eating disorders.

Eating Disorders are a Form of Addiction
According to the NEDA website, The following patterns are shared between eating disorder sufferers and other addicts: "loss of control, preoccupation with the abused substance, use of the substance to cope with stress and negative feelings, secrecy about the behavior, and maintenance of the behavior despite negative consequences." Eating disorders also have a relapse rate comparable to other addictive substances, and many eating disorder sufferers struggle with some other form of substance abuse.

There is no doubt that I had a full fledged addiction. I couldn't stop what I was doing, no matter how hard I tried. It progressed to a point where it consumed all my thoughts and it was all I cared about. In the depths of it, I was purging up to 15 times a day. My eating disorder was kept secret from everyone for almost 5 years, until I got so sick that I could not keep up the facade. I had literally destroyed my body and my spirit through my actions. I reached a point of numbness, in which I didn't have to feel anything. Much of my treatment was similar to treatment for substance abuse. The 12 step program, which was initially created for alcoholics, has been a major component of my recovery. I continue to live by the concepts in the 12 steps, and I have to fight the pull of my addiction on a daily basis. I believe in the old adage, "once an addict always an addict." I don't take it to mean that addicts will always be controlled by their drug of choice, but that they will always be susceptible to relapse, and must continue to work their recovery for the rest of their lives.

Eating Disorders Have Added Complexity
Although eating disorders are a form of addiction, they contain added complexities that other forms of addiction don't have. Eating disorder sufferers cannot abstain from their drug of choice (food). Most drug treatment programs focus on abstinence. When in recovery from an eating disorder, you face your drug of choice every single day. You must partake of your drug of choice every single day and not abuse it. This could be likened to asking an alcoholic to still drink, but to do so in moderation.

Another complexity contained in eating disorders is the fact that most sufferers have extremely distorted body image. They see flaws that are not truly there and many have the severe psychological disorder known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder or BDD. Society and media also play a huge role in promoting distorted body image. We are fed countless images of 'flawless' digitally enhanced photos every day. I plan to delve very deeply into the topic of body image and the media on my blog in the future.

Eating Disorders Have Nothing to do With Vanity
On the surface, an eating disorder may appear to be all about a person trying to be thin and pretty, but it goes so much deeper than that. This is what my eating disorder was for me:

• It was an escape that I used to numb out the inner turmoil I was feeling
• It was a type of self-punishment for the shame I carried with me
• It was symbolic of my desire to 'disappear'
• It was a slow form of suicide
• It was an attempt to have some control in a world where I felt I had none
• It was a way to hide the horrible person that I thought I was
• It was a shameful secret 'friend' who was always there for me
• It was a form of self medication for depression and anxiety
• It was my addiction and it almost killed me